Punxsutawney Propaganda

According to Punxsutawney Phil and a gaggle of professional meteorologists there will be six more weeks of winter. I've also learned that much like God and our fearless leader, Punxsutawney Phil is infallible. Unfortunately like many of the things that come from any of these characters mouths there is a loophole; he's not talking about New England or even any other part of the U.S. specifically. He's 100% accurate somewhere on the planet Earth; and quite possibly somewhere else in a galaxy far, far away.

Punxsutawney Phil not only has his own cult complete with an inner circle (they really freak me out) but also has many rivals. Staten Island Chuck calls for an end to winter and also dreams of changing his name. Phil is also apparently a lush, who threatened sixty more weeks of winter to try to end prohibition; I hope next year he joins NORML. I think purely to annoy me he also gives his predictions in rhyme. This years is particuarly horrid:

"It is said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Around the country there are many imitators of me.

In Harrisburg there is Gus who appears on TV
working for the lottery.

Then all around town,
Cute groundhog statues abound.
They all look like me, I found.

Today on the Knob as I'm doing my job,I don't like this likeness of me.
It's my shadow I see.

Six more weeks of mild winter there will be."

Historically speaking, some people think this tradition came from Candlemas Day traditions. According to the official history the Romans introduced it to the Germans who used a hegdehog to do their weather predictions. The Germans moved to Pennsylvania and since there were more groundhogs then hedgehogs around Gobbler's Knob, they decided to use groundhogs to do their bidding. New England winters are historically only half over by February. If global warming prevails however, we won't need to worry about any of this winter crap.